Why girls stop playing football

The destruction of my confidence with football began early and today I was reminded why



An important but lesser known reason for gender imbalance in football is the shame, bullying and insecurity of girls that is created from a young age. An embarrassment that can often stop girls playing before they have barely started. Today I was reminded of how much this still lives within my psyche.

There are pictures of me with a football by my side from as young as two. My brother and dad are huge followers and my mum is huge on overturning gendered stereotypes. So naturally, I was massively encouraged in my love of football from a young age. I would be taken to all-boys training sessions at the age of 6 and was full of confidence in my ability. But while that level of support was kept at training, it was different elsewhere. I got quickly used to boys at school making the “you’re good for a girl” comments, the constant singling out, I even got used to the unique trial that only I had to do in order to play in the playground El Clasico of year 5 vs year 6. I remember thinking it was stupid for the year 6 boys to make me prove I was good enough to play AGAINST them, but I was secure in my ability, knowing I was also playing for Spurs, who were they playing for? However, all of this could have easily been enough to put other female potential players, who did not have that confidence, off ever wanting to play again. Why put yourself through the singling out and possible humiliation?

As I got older though, things got nastier. In parks, boys would ask to join in with games I was playing in, we would let them, only for it to often turn sour. Lots of boys found it difficult to be beaten by girls. Some would physically confront me and my friend in anger, others would say cruel things. Once at my local park, a group of boys just tormented me. They laughed at me if I did anything wrong, continually mocked me, went in extra rough on tackles, made comments about me not being able to chest the ball, (I was 11 so chesting the ball was definitely not much of an issue, I can assure you) until I faked an injury, took my ball and went home. Yes, they were bullying me while playing with my ball. The cheek of it.

I moved past all of this, as my teenage years taught me that that was very light in comparison to the sexism I would experience elsewhere in life. But I still have always had a chip on my shoulder when playing with men in later life and when practicing kick ups on my own in the park ever since lockdown began. My lockdown kick up sessions were going well though, I massively improved at freestyle tricks and my confidence was up. Until today. As I was practising a trick I noticed some murmuring, I brushed it off as the chip on my shoulder getting to me. But sure enough, soon after, I heard wolf whistles and shouts. A bunch of teenage boys were mocking me, in the exact same park I had experienced it all 13 years ago. Usually I would give them some sort of feminist rant, but there were a lot of them (and not socially distancing may I add) and I felt defeated.

I really thought girls now did not have to deal with those same attitudes anymore. I see so many more young girls participating in football in public and it truly warms my heart. But as a 24-year-old woman with a degree, a job, and many other footballing and life achievements, I found myself feeling exactly like that 11-year-old girl again. Embarrassed, insecure and singled out.

I am very much done trying to convince the men who do everything to show that they are adamantly against women’s sport, to watch it. Watch what you want, I could not care less to be honest. But what I do care about, is at least giving women’s sport and its athletes a bit of respect, because the degrading attitudes towards it is what contributes to moments like this. When women and girls playing sport on TV is mocked, not normalised and not accepted, women and girls playing sport in life are disrespected. All I want to do is use my few moments of freedom outside to do some kick ups in the park free from harassment. Please teach your boys to see that, acknowledge it, and walk silently on. Then maybe we will finally get a generation of girls fully confident and encouraged to be the best footballers they can be.

19 thoughts on “Why girls stop playing football

  1. Feel this, you’re incredible and those boys are just scared. It doesnt make it easier, but reading this made me feel stronger. Women for football.

  2. Sad to read but not surprising, I coach a women’s team playing in a women’s comp and a pan all girls team that plays in mainly male comp though some teams have female players and it never fails to surprise me how people react and treat them. Some male teams won’t shake the girls hands after games, parents shouting ‘beat her, she’s only a girl’ and a group of three guys that drove onto the grass behind our goal but outside the facility so they could hurl abuse at our keeper at their semi final in the women’s comp, she was 14 years old!
    I’d say that those that continue playing through till they’re adults are definitely strong women.

  3. Much as idiots see you and mock or bully, there’s also the little kids seeing you playing who think nothing of it, and want to be as good as you. Lots of the kids looking on at people doing what they enjoy aren’t seeing them as men or women, they’re just seeing them as people, having fun, or learning new skills.

    I really wish people could be more embracing of people being bad at things too. There’s nothing wrong with kicking a ball around or playing in a game of football when you’re terrible. I’ve had lots of fun playing football in my life, never being the best, but playing in teams where effort was appreciated, and the most mind bending moments of incompetence are laughed about, not at.

  4. Fantastic read. Close to my own heart too, as a mother of a fellow female player… and once aspirational player myself. Girls were not allowed to play when I was at school, there was no girls team, and good as a few of us were, we were never in the boys team. However with each generation it hopefully gets easier, and nothing will ever stop us pushing forward. In my mind the negative comments only rise because we are getting better, stronger, faster. When a men tells me that women’s football can never be a direct comparison to their pace and skill, I remind them that they had a head start because we were once banned from playing altogether. Keep doing what you do, and enjoy the game we love.

  5. Hey, this was a great read! Unfortunately I relate to a lot of it too. I saw you are researching a piece on BAME women in football, I have been playing football for a long time so would love for you to get in touch! This is something really important to me as I love football but have defo felt the impacts of being a BAME woman in the game.

  6. Great post! But just a FYI my daughter played football since the age of 4 she progressed to Arsenal Academy at age 6 playing 3 years up.

    She gave up football at age 8 as the other girls playing football around her used to make fun of her and we’re quite mean because she was so much younger than them which effected her confidence.

    The boys however at her school loved the fact she was playing football and at Arsenal Academy and included her in their school matches and even invited her round to their houses to hang out and play football.

  7. As the father of two girls just want to say I was really moved by this. Got me right angry. Good angry though. Still a lot to do. Thanks.

  8. Thanks for taking the time to share your experience. I have shared it with a group of coaches here in New Zealand (mainly male) to raise awareness of the issue. I’m pleased to say we have had a female player in our top squad for the last 3 years and the boys treat her no differently and last year she was a respected and valuable member of our U13 team.

  9. Powerful article. In the age of the highly marketable (and relatively successful) Lionesses I think perhaps there’s an assumption that the world has moved past this issue. Thanks for putting us straight. 👍

  10. Thank you very much for sharing this. It’s great to hear your experiences and truly disgusting to hear when people are not treated like people.

  11. Thank you for writing this. I only took up football casually for the first time last year in a highly male-dominated work group, and already I have felt everything you describe above about being singled-out, insecure, humiliated.
    But I’ll tell you the only thing that really, really bothers me is the countless times when I’m the only woman on the pitch, I am waving by an open goal, and everyone knows there’s only *one* reason I am not being passed the ball. I wonder how much of a better player I would be today if I had the same amount of possession time as my male teammates.
    Last year I argued with our coach for de-segregating the training sessions, and his arguments were as follows:
    a) it’s not allowed in work policy. (I read the policy: incorrect)
    b) it is a health and safety risk to let men and women play together, because women would be at greater risk of injury by a man. (I am above-average height and weight for a *man*, so in fact the only safe solution is mixed-sex heavy-weight and feather-weight teams?!)
    c) you will “dilute the quality” of our game. (The team is amateur, and there is no selection process to join or even play in competitions – oh and we have 2 semi-pros among the women).
    Rant over. I look forward to your next piece.

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